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The Dangers of Acronymphomania

Updated: May 26, 2021

We all know how easy it is to misinterpret text messages. Since we can’t hear voice inflections, see facial expressions or accurately decipher meaning we are left to make our own interpretations which can often be wrong. To top off the predicament, we have an ever growing list of acronyms to wade through.

Case in point:

I was busy in the kitchen the other day when I got a text from a friend that went like this. (names have been changed to protect the innocent).

Bing! (incoming text)

Holly: What kind of butter do you use in your sugar cookies?

Someone Like Me: LOL

Holly: I’m not asking for the whole recipe, just the type of butter. (heart)

Someone Like Me: LOL (Smiley face)

Holly: Fine.

The next week I was grocery shopping and I saw Holly in the produce section. She looked up as I headed her way with a big smile on my face. She spun her cart around and as she did she bumped a bin of cantaloupes and several of them rolled off the top and onto the floor. Without stopping she pushed her cart swiftly toward the check out. I frowned. What could have gotten into her? Was she mad at me?

When I got home, I texted her:

Someone Like Me: Are you mad at me?

Holly: What do you expect? We’ve been friends for so long.

Someone Like Me: We’re still BFF aren’t we?

Holly: Not if you can’t trust me to keep a secret.

My mind raced. Did someone tell her something about me that she should have known?

Someone Like Me: IDK what you’re referring to.

Holly: Ouch! Go ahead. Make fun. CYA.

Someone Like Me: OMG Holly, please tell me.

Holly: SRSLY?

OK, it was time for a talk. I called her cell.

Holly: Hello?

Someone Like Me: Let’s talk about this. I have no idea why you’re so upset. What’s going on?

She sighed.

Holly: Look, I know your recipes are proprietary but you could at least trust me with one type of ingredient you use. It’s not like I’m going to start up a business and compete with you.

Someone Like Me: Holly, what are you talking about?

Holly: Last week I asked you what kind of butter you use in your sugar cookies.

Someone Like Me: And I told you.

Holly: No you didn’t. You laughed. LOL made me so mad.

There was a long silence when it dawned on me.

Someone Like Me: Holly, I wasn’t laughing. It is the type of butter I use, Land of Lakes.

Another long silence.

Holly: Oh.

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